A Morality Tale About The Evils Of Frozen Carbonated Beverages That Explode

The following, as suggested by the title, is the most ridiculous thing you have ever heard.

I like Coke. I like frozen Coke even more. Here in Israel, they sell Coke in 1.5L plastic bottles, one of which I purchased the other day. I opened it up, drank it down to the label, and put it in the freezer. I drank it down knowing that things tend to expand when they freeze.

Today, after first period AP English, I took the bottle out of the freezer. It was a good thing that I had already has some of it because when I opened it, I discovered that it had expanded so much that is was full to the absolute top of the bottle. I was having a conversation of my roommate Eric (whom there are pictures of somewhere in the post about archaeology at Tel Maresha) and as we were talking, I set the bottle down on our kitchenette counter and began to lick, then suck on, the top of the bottle. After no more than 5 seconds of this, the bottle exploded into my face!

The bottle itself remained intact, though about half of the frozen coke inside exploded upward into my throat and out through my nose. Bewildered and in shock, I staggered backwards as the Coke continued to shoot upward of one foot into the air and all over our room. In complete shock and near-debilitating pain, I saw Eric's jaw drop and he was just standing there with his eyes and mouth wide, shaking his head in shock. After maybe 3 seconds of shock, Eric began to laugh uncontrolably. As the Coke exploded into my face I literally thought my head was exploding or had been severed or something.

As this was all in progress, a girl, Jeri, walked in and then ran out thinking I had just projectile vomitted all over the place. I managed to go the bathroom and take my shirt off, which was covered in forzen Coke chunks. I felt like there might be Coke in my lungs or that my uvula had been removed.

In Eric's words: "He came out of the bathroom with no shirt on and a blank expression of "What the fuck just happened to me?!" on his face with tear streaks coming down his face. I couldn't stop laughing!"

I honestly thought I was dead for a moment.

Anyway, it took for damn ever to clean and even now there are many sticky surfaces in our room.

And the sound! As it exploded, the bottle made the most unbelievably loud roar into my face!

Before dinner, afraid I wouldn't be able to swallow solid food because my throat hurt so unbelievable badly, I took a flashlight and shined it into my thoat and looked into the mirror to see how it looked. It looked as though some little gnome had crawled into the back of my throat with a rake and scraped the tissue raw. My front teeth hurt too, though I don't know why. Tomorrow, I'm going to the morning clinic they have on the kibbutz to see if it is serious.


Probably tomorrow, maybe the next day, I will be posting a massive recap of Rosh Hashanah weekend.




UPDATE: As of about 10:30 this evening my good friend Charlotte has given me some honey lemon throat lozenges which are actually helpinng my throat not die.


HW said...

Oh the perils of frozen carbonated beverages. A weapon of mass destruction if ever there was. I hope this cause you to fail physics class.

HW said...

I meant to say, "I hope this does not cause you to fail physics."

Gilanah Shoshanah said...

This reminds me of the exploding can of Dr Pepper rolling across the kitchen floor spewing everywhere; sodas don't have to be frozen to be perilous.

Taking aspirin or ibuprofen will help your throat.

s dubbs said...

Awhhhh! YOU should tell david eisenberg or eisensomethingoranother the chem teacher about this. he would probs die laughing. does he teach this sem? he's so hot. im lookin forward to the rosh hashana post. enjoy tzuba clinic, always a true blast!

David A. M. Wilensky said...

My sister from anotha mister, I don't think that guy teaches this semester. We have some french fellow who lives in the Kibutz teaching chem.

David A. M. Wilensky said...

BTW, mom, yeah, that what dad and I thought to each other over the phone too!

Auntie said...

*snort* Don't you love those special three stooges moments in your life?!?!

"sista from another mista" said...

ok. so david doesnt exist. bummer. that french guy is chill though. he drove me someplace once. my point. can you tell reuven im writing a hist paper on the affect of zoroastrianism (during exile) on post-exilic eschatological thought? yeah, aka the pharisees? im gonna email him, but im bubbling over with excitement about this topic, and i think reuvs would understand :)

how are things?

Brandon said...

wow. i was actually physically laughing at that... why didnt u get that on video tape...

Sarah #5 said...

Hey, I loved David Eisenbaum (?), the chemist. he's so cute... And young! I mean, he was about 3 years older than us, with his Masters or whatever. Grrr...